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Your momma's so fat, I had to integrate her by parts.

Math puns are the first sine of madness.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. Before the next one can order, the bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two beers.

Are you a differential function? Because I'd like to lie tangent to your curves!

Everyone was having fun at the math party except for e^x, all alone in a corner. Seeing he was sad, the square root tried to cheer him up.
"Hey, man, why don't you go out there and try to integrate?"
"Why bother? It's not like that's going to do any good."

What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

If A equals B (so I say),
And we multiply both sides by A,
Then we'll see that A squared,
When with AB compared,
Are the same. Remove B squared. Okay?

Both sides we will factorize. See?
Now each side contains A minus B.
We'll divide through by A
Minus B, and ole!
A plus B equals B. Oh whoopee!

But since I said A equals B,
B plus B equals B, you'll agree?
So if B equals one,
Then this sum I have done,
Proves that two equals one. Q.E.D.

If you think that this proof is a hit
And you're enamored with your clever wit
Then look close and you'll see
That in part two, line three,
You divided by zero - OH SHI-

A student as smart as could be
Had to integrate x to the 3
He said "x to the 4
over 4, I am sure"
But was off by a constant of C

The result when you add one to e
raised to the power of three
point one four one five
nine two times i
is zero (approximately)

A mathematician confided
that a mobius strip is one-sided,
and you'll get quite a laugh
if you cut it in half,
for it stays in one piece when divided.

The world's dead geniuses play hide and seek in heaven. Einstein goes over to a tree to count, while everyone scurry around to hide. In the meantime, Newton draws a 1 meter square with a stick and sits in the middle of it.
When Einstein finishes counting, he turns around and sees Newton in his square. "I've found you", he says. "No you didn't", Newton answers. "But you're right here in front of me!" Einstein says, puzzled. "Tell me, what do you see?" Newton asks. "I see you, Newton, sitting in a one meter square."
"And what is a Newton on a 1 meter square?"
"A pascal."
Newton grins.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician are all paid to observe this house. They watch it for a week and nobody enters, or leaves the complex. On the 8th day somebody walks in, and on the 9th, two people walk out.
The biologist says: "Clearly they must have reproduced."
The physicist says: "Obviously our initial observations were incorrect."
The mathematician says: "If one more person walks into that house, there will be nobody in it."

Cartesian Bear, maybe?